Unfixable
by Anotherfacelessdemigod
Summary: An insight of Leo's mind. Oneshot. "People ask me why I'm always cracking jokes. In return,I ask them why they laugh. I come to a conclusion, now, that I'd rather be funny than admit the truth: I'm lost. I'm the only thing I can't fix." Leo Valdez. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE. Please read! Percy and Leo friendship.


# Unfixable. #

Hey guys! Short one-shot, totally from Leo's (boy version of me, btw) Point of view. I really wanted to do this story. I've got another PJO/HOO story, called Skies and Shadows. Check it out if you wanna.

Disclaimer: Rick, King of Troll (I refuse to call him Uncle Rick till he makes up for all those cliffhangers), owns PJO and HOO, not me. I own only the plot of this story.

Full Summarry: "People sometimes ask me why I'm always cracking jokes. In return, I ask them why they laugh. I never tell them that the reason for my sucky jokes is because humor's a good way to hide pain. I come to this conclusion, now, that I'd rather be funny than admit to someone the truth: I'm lost. I'm the only thing that I can't fix." ~Leo Valdez.

# Unfixable. #  
*Sadness and Love.*

Funny how we can lie so easily, but it takes our every essence to admit the truth. I remember something Mom would always say, "You cannot change yourself, mijo. That is why we need other people; they are the ones that can change us."

I believe now that Mamà was right.

I tend to skip past sad parts in stories, or turn down the radio when a sad song plays (Piper hates it when I do that). Why? Because my life, is a sad song playing on repeat, and I don't want a reminder of that.

I think... I think that of all the people that know me, Nico's the ones that can tell that I'm... that the only thing binding me here is a fragile rope. Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it.

Piper... I loved her, I think. I remember now, vaguely remember, a time when Jason wasn't around. I remember stargazing, and laughing, and holding hands... Does that mean the Mist is letting me remember? I don't know. Do I even WANT to remember?

I tap my fingers against my jeans, a habit of mine. Piper watches me and finally says, a little more than annoyed, "Can you stop that?"

"Sure, Beauty Queen," I mutter, suddenly in a bad mood. I walk away, "Wouldn't want you to get stressed out and lose your prettiness."

. . .  
. . . . . . *Reasons for Repair.*

I like to say that I'm mysterious. Jason says that I can delirious.

Heh, that rhymes.

See, my own mind is this jumbled up, weird, messy place where I get SO confused. I mean, one moment it's, 'The red wire goes next to the blue wire...' and then I'm, 'I wanna be, the very best, that no one ever was!' Rocking the pokèmon theme song.

Stupid ADHD.

But there are times, late at night, when my mind catches up to me, and all the past memories come flooding back, and I can't help but cry because... because I'm lost.

Stupid emotions.

I remember Dad telling me that he loves his Automatons because they don't have emotion, only, 'Serve Master, destroy, fix. Serve Master, destroy, fix.' I guess he's right, but I don't know why I had to inherite that trait frm him. Mom was fine around people.

Stupid Father.

And then I look at Percy. Percy Jackson, the guy that suffered so freaking much, but still smiles everyday.

Then again, he has Annabeth, he has an actual reason to smile. And what do I have? Hmm, I don't know.

Right now I'm down below, checking the Argo II, modifying this and that. I hear something.

"Piper," It's Jason's voice.

I peek out from where I am, and catch a glimpse of Piper and Jason locking lips. Great. "Hey, uh, guys? Can you..." I trail off, 'cause they're not even listenning.

But who listens to Leo Valdez?

I sigh, blowing a stupid, stuborn, dark curl out of my chocolate eyes. So much for repairs.

. . .  
. . . . . .

*Forced Laughter.*

I'm Leo Valdez, loner supreme. All my life I've lived, laughed, lost. I don't know exactly why, but I'm pretty sure the gods (namely Aphrodite) like to see me in pain.

Sometimes at night when I can't sleep, I walk around the Argo II. I'm doing that now. The night's so dark, so depressed, it macthes my soul, the deepest part.

I notice Annabeth left a notebook and pencil out, and suddenly, an idea overtakes me. I grab the material, and struggle to write down my emotions.

'Tired.  
That's what I am.  
I'm tired of loving girls who'll never love me back.  
Tired of losing people who I needed.  
I'm tired of never getting a thanks.  
Tired of the fake smiles, of the forced laughter.  
I'm tired.  
So, tired.'

I continue like that, writing down everything that bothers me, and when I'm done I fold up the note and walk towards the railing of the Argo II.

Then I drop the slip of paper down into the murky depths of Poseidon's Realm.

. . .  
. . . . . .

*Laughing for Reasons.*

Me. It's my sucky jokes that make Piper smile when she's in a bad mood, it's my jokes that keep the Argo II crew from being awkward with each other.

I'm the reason for laughter. "You hear ajoke?" I ask, but everyone ignores me.  
I frown, my smile melting from my face in an instant because, once again, Repair Boy's been ignored.

Go figure.

And somebody asked me why I tell jokes. In return I asked them why they laugh. The few joys I get out of life is jokes. I-love-making-people-laugh. I love making them happy, because I never want anyone to feel the same sadness, emptyness, that I feel.

I want someone to laugh for a reason, not just because they have too.

. . .  
. . . . . .

*Unfixibly Lost.*

I admit, jokes are a good way to gide the pain. I look at Percy and Annabeth studying a map, and Percy's looking at her with such awe that I turn away. Frank and Hazel are sword-fighting somwhere, and Piper and Jason are down below again.

Couples.

And I'm the seventh wheel. Hoplessly lost, unfixable. I sigh, "Hey guys? I'm going to my room."

Percy (At least HE heard me) looks up, "I'll come with you." And the way he says it, it's clear he won't take no for an answer.

I nod, "'Kay."

For a while, we walk in silence. Finally he says something that takes me by surprise.

"I used to be just like you, y'know."

I raise a brow at him, and Percy laughs a sad laugh. "Before Annabeth and I started dating, I was the 'troubled' kid. I'd get in fights all the time. I'd do weird things without even knowing how I did them. And then the couples. They where everywhere. Holding hands, kissing, and it killed me because nobody wanted me. Even when I went to Camp Half-Blood, I was still the odd one out, the Son of the Sea god, the one that shouldn't have happened."

He glances at me sadly, and I can tell the memory pains him. "If you don't wanna go on-"

He cuts me off, "And I felt betrayed, Leo. Betrayed by my father, betrayed by my mother. No. One. Ever. Told. Me. And I wondered, 'Why me? Why do I have to be the guy to suffer so much, to be the loner, to be the one that cracks the jokes and makes people smile. Why do I have to be the one to save the world?' I hated it. I hated knowing that even after Luke turned evil, that Annabeth still liked him. I asked myself, 'If I went with Luke, would Annabeth miss me like she misses him?' Deep inside, at that time, I thought, 'Why would she? I'm nobody.'"

"No you're not! You're PERCY JACKSON!" I exclaim.

Percy laughs, "Sometimes I wish that was just a name, and not a legend. Look, Leo, what I'm trying to say is, is that we DO care for you, bro. I've been where you are, I have. Dude, you haven't found your girl yet, but that doesn't mean you never will. It just means you gotta keep that Leo-charm going. 'Kay?"

I laugh, "You know it, hermano." Percy high-fived me, and in the distance I heard Annabeth say, "PERCY!"

Percy winces, "Gotta go, Wise Girl's calling! Bye Leo."

I watch him walk away, and then keep walking towards my cabin. I'm still lost, still unfixable to myself.

But not so much anymore.

End.

. . .  
. . . . . .

Hehe. Couldn't leave Leo so sad! Sorry if he's OOC. I did my best! First PJO one-shot, what'd you think?

Check out my other story?

Review?

~JJ. 


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